~ New Beginnings ~

Its that time again

2012-01-19T19:42:00.003-06:00

Mason is back to acting up again, but this time it is worse than ever. We all anticipated there to be a set back after the first round of Holidays without Mike but none of us anticipated it to be this bad. Little guy has SO MUCH anger! I think everything is finally sinking in with him. He is starting to truly understand that he will never see his dad again. He has gotten so bad at school that I am at a loss on what to do. It is no longer him just being verbally mean but he has gotten physically mean too. Physical with both his friends AND teachers. He gets several red and yellow cards a DAY! This kid is out of control!!!So I hate to admit when I cant help my own child but I need help! So I finally decided to put Mason back in play therapy. This time though, I am going with someone else! I did not click at all with the last lady and I dont think she did any good with Mason. So I met with someone who I actually went to high school with and have not seen since. She is now a play therapist and I have to admit that I am so excited about this! She has about 20 years less experience than the previous therapist Mason saw....yet she has a thousand times more knowledge. I met with her for about 45 minutes to tell her the story with Mason and she gave me so many good ideas on how to handle different situations. It's funny because I thought I was doing so many things right yet turns out not so much. Its not like I am doing anything wrong, I just could be handling things better. I easily forget that Mason is only four and can't process things the way an adult would. Anyways, she teaches parenting classes too so I will be taking some of those to help learn the techniques of play therapy to do at home. I am excited for Mason to start his sessions too and I really hope they help him. I hate to see all this anger built up inside such a typically happy child. Keeping my fingers crossed that this is exactly what Mason needs!

6 months

2012-01-11T18:04:00.003-06:00

Six months....that is how long it has been now since Mike has been in Heaven. So much has happened these last six months it is insane. It seems like time has flown by but at the same time it seems like everything just happened yesterday. I am finally emotionally stable....somewhat. I obvioulsy have my moments but I am not having break downs every other day. Mason is doing better too but he still asks about when he can see daddy. He knows daddy is in Heaven but he still forgets that Heaven is a place you never come back from. And then when he cries when I tell him daddy will never come back down I obviously cry too. I don't find myself crying nearly as often but I still have those nights that I cry myself to sleep. I think about all that Mason is going to miss out on and I lose it. I watched this past weeks episode of Greys Anatomy and I cant ever watch that show again. There was a car accident and this girl watched her grandma, mom, and dad die. With the dad the daughter is the one who decided to take him off life support and it brought back so many memories. And at the end of the show you watch one of the surgeons, i dont know names, and her husband died in surgery. Well she went into the OR afterwards and pulled the sheet off from over the husband and put her hand on his forehead. This is the same thing that I did to Mike when I was talking to him and he was on life support. I am even crying just writing this! Way too many memories that I wish never happened!

Its weird bc I wasnt in love with Mike anymore so I am kind of taken back by how sad this makes me. I know this is horrible, but I am just being honest, I had moments before all of this that I just wished Mike was not in the picture because I thought that things would be so much easier. I never wanted him to die I just wanted him out of the picture. And now I would do anything to have him back in Masons life. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. Mike and I had our differences but the one thing I can say about Mike is that he really did love his son. And Mason truly adored him! So for all you single moms out there having trouble with your childs father. BE THANKFUL!!! Whether you think your child has a good father or not at least he has one! A Childs love is so incredible and they see past everything and they love unconditionally. What I wouldnt do to have the one that Mason loves, almost as much as me :), back!

House Hunting Frustrations

2012-01-02T18:39:00.002-06:00

So this whole house hunting extravaganza is nothing like i thought it would be!!! I thought it was going to be so much fun and easy. Boy was I wrong!!! You really need a lot of patience during this whole process and patience is definitely not my strongest virtue! I have seen 18 houses now and 3 of them I liked. First off was house number 7. It is in the perfect location in Allen and the elementary school there is really good. So I put an offer on that house but they wanted more than what I thought the house was worth. So we moved on and kept looking.

Then house number 15 is one I absolutely fell in love with! This guy bought the house a month before and flipped it so it has all new stainless steel appliances, hardwood floors, granite counter tops, and a huge backyard! This house was PERFECT! Well.....almost perfect! The location was not the greatest. It was in Allen but in a more run down part of Allen and I do not really see myself living in that neighborhood. I was still so on the fence about this house but then my dad pulled up the sex offender site. A man a few houses down molested a 6 year old 4 years ago.....OH H*LL NO! So there goes that option! If I could only pick up that house and move it to a different location I would pay the asking price for it!

Then House number 18 I liked as well. This too is in Allen, seeing a trend? But this house has a pool! YIPEE! I think having a house with a pool in it would be freaking amazing and I could have so many pool parties and have my nephews over all the time to swim with Mason. Only problem with this house is that it is a foreclosure and needs a lot of work. They converted the garage into this ridiculous extra room and then there is even an enclosed hot tub off the living room. The pool needs new tile and to be resurfaced also. In the end This house is just too much work for me which sucks because it has so much potential. If I was married I would have definitely gone for that house but it being just me there is no way I can get everything done!

So after talking with my dad more about house number 7 we decided that it might be worth a little more than what we originally thought after seeing what all is out there. So we went back to that house and put in our best and final offer...and they ACCEPTED!!!! WOOHOOOO and January 27th is the move in date!! Oh but wait.....We had the inspection done on Thursday. There were a lot of little things that I don't mind and I can fix on my own but the one thing I CANT and WONT fix......the new roof the house needs!!! There are a lot of defective shingles and hail damage so we are hoping the sellers can go through their insurance for the hail damage and get it replaced. We sent them the request to fix the roof on Saturday and still have not heard back. I completely fell in love with this house again after being there for the inspection and I pray to God that they replace that roof. Otherwise I wont be buying the house but its just perfect for Mason and I. So again, the waiting game continues. I HATE THIS! Did I mention that I am not a patient person....at all???????

Rough Week

2011-12-18T17:46:00.005-06:00

So this week has been a really rough one for Mason. I usually get one phone call every other month or so about how bad Mason is being at school. They call me so that I can talk to him and hopefully get him acting better again. Well this week we set a record! THREE phone calls in 4 days!!!! Yup, that's right people...THREE....In ONE week!!! One day he even bit a teacher!!! He is almost FIVE and has never bitten before! I do not know what is going on inside of his tiny little head. Especially because the teacher that he bit is the one that he is head over heels in love with! So I had Santa take him off the nice list. Mason cried after watching the video that I had made for him but Santa told him that if he works really hard he can be put on the nice list so I hope this works! If you have kids this video is a great idea! http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/home And once Mason starts being nice at school again then Santa will be sending him a new video with him on the nice list! :)

The main reason I think that Mason has had such a rough week is because he really misses his daddy. He has been talking a lot about him this week and we have had a lot of this happening....

And it comes out of nowhere! We were on our way to meet up with my best friend to go bowling and he just starts crying. He said that if Daddy isn't coming down from Heaven then that means they cant ever do things together, like go swimming, watch a movie, or eat. I think he is finally realizing that he wont have that opportunity anymore to spend time with his daddy and it hurts to see him finally getting it. I think that once a headstone or plaque is made for Mike that it will really help Mason with his healing. Mason would hopefully stop asking me when Daddy will be coming down from Heaven. If we had a headstone or plaque somewhere then we could have somewhere to visit Daddy. And Mason can physically see that Daddy is no longer here anymore but there is somewhere that he can go and talk to him. With Christmas coming up it is just so hard. Its the first Big Holiday since Mike past and it is going to be a rough one for everyone. A teacher at Masons school told me to look up this Poem because she thinks it will help a lot...so below is the poem...and Beth....Show Mark this, I think it might help him a little to get through Christmas...

My First Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear, But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart. But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear. And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above. I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold. was always most important the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, my Father said to do. I can't count the blessing or love has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and Wipe away that tear. Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

Five Months

2011-12-11T15:17:00.002-06:00

Sorry I have not posted in a while. I have just been a little overwhelmed with so much that has been going on. Today is exactly 5 months since Mike passed away. These past five months have been really difficult and yet so much has changed.

I have gotten a lot less emotional lately but I still have my days. In fact I was watching a Gifted Man the other day and boy am I happy that I was alone when I Watched it!!! In this episode a lady dies from rabies and she is in the ambulance and her husband was with her when she passed. Her head was facing to the left, toward her husband, and I had such a flashback. When they wheeled Mike away to the operating room to take him off life support and donate his organs his head was faced to the left, towards the room we were sitting in. I saw them wheel him away and I saw his face lying towards us. This is the last image I have of Mike. I completely lost it when I saw this on the show and I had one of those loud ugly cries. I literally couldn't stop crying for a good ten minutes no matter how hard I tried!

The only other times that I find myself crying is when Mason asks about Daddy. Once every two to three weeks he asks me when Daddy is going to come down from Heaven because he misses him. When I explain to him that Daddy will never be able to come back down he starts to cry.....which then leads me to cry too. I really don't wish this on my worst enemy. I know now that I am strong enough to handle all of this but I wish that I never had to find out if I was strong enough or not. I know everything happens for a reason and that God won't hand me more than I can handle but I mean seriously....enough already!

So moving on to happier things. I have officially begun my house hunting!!! I have seen 9 homes so far and I put an offer on one. I don't think it is going to work though because they are wanting more than what I think the house is worth for several reasons. So we will see what happens there. I have 3 more houses to see on Wednesday and hopefully I see something that I like. I am so not a patient person so this is so hard for me to wait to find the perfect house! And to be honest, if it weren't for Mason I would not be looking for a house right now. But since I am stuck in Texas for at least a few more years I want to give Mason some more stability and a home to call his own. And I can't wait for him to have his own backyard to play in!! He is going to have the coolest playground set ever for him to play with and its going to be a nice break for me too. Now I will be able to just open the door and let him play instead of having to drive him to a park and sit there bored out of my mind!! Anyways, I will keep y'all updated on my house hunting adventures!!

Piece of Mind

2011-10-13T19:30:00.002-05:00

So first off I am so happy! I posted the other day about suggestions for how to get the answers to the questions I have. Well I looked into this Medium here and I emailed her for her prices....she wrote back saying she charges $275 for an hour session. I was so disappointed bc while I would like some answers I am not willing to spend that kind of money for them. At least not yet. So last night I was having a bit of a melt down. I was extremely emotional and just couldn't stop crying. I feel so bipolar lately and I hate it! Anyways, So I was laying in bed praying. I pray every night before going to sleep but this time I prayed for answers. I prayed for some kind of sign that Mike is still with Mason and watching over him. I know this sounds horrible but I wasn't expecting any signs from praying. I mean heck, I have been praying for a good man to come in my life for years and am still waiting....haha. So that was that and I fell asleep and slept the whole night for the first time in MONTHS! Its like I had this weight lifted off my shoulders and could finally rest.

In the morning I forget about everything and hurry Mason to get dressed so we can go to work/school. And then on the way to Masons school I got my answer. Out of nowhere I hear these words out of Masons mouth....."Mommy, I saw daddy last night in my dream." Mason and I have never talked about dreams before and he has no idea what I have been going through because I don't talk about these things with a four year old and I can always manage to hold off on my meltdowns until Mason is asleep. I immediately started crying but I had to be careful because I didn't want Mason to know. I asked him what they talked about and he said that he told daddy that he really misses him and wishes he could come back down. But in true Mason fashion, he changed the subject in that same breath. I have learned with him that if I interrogate him he is more likely to make up something just so he has something to say. So I will patiently wait for him to bring it up again. But now I know that Mike is still with Mason and it absolutely warms my heart.

Now I can focus my attention on teaching Mason how to hold Lily without choking her :)

Suggestions Please

2011-10-11T19:26:00.003-05:00

So I posted the other week about if I should read Heaven is For Real or not. Well, I read it. While overall I think it was a good book, it was a bit of a let down for me. Maybe I am just jaded but it is was hard for me to believe everything that was in the book. And I really do not need the book to tell me that Heaven is for real, I already know that.

What I want to know is if Mike could hear me at the Hospital. I had a whole lot to say to him and I want to know if he heard what I had to say. He was not brain dead but he was not responsive and had such little brain activity he couldn't do anything, not even open his eyes. So when I was asking him to protect Mason from up above did he hear me? Is he doing it right now? Was he having an out of body experience? Could he see all of us in the private family room at the hospital crying? I want answers.....and I don't know if I will ever get them. So here comes my question.....does anyone know of a book that can help answer these questions? I am kind of desperate for answers...

On a side note, has anyone seen the new show Long Island Medium? If not, it is about this lady in Long Island, NY who is a medium and can talk to loved ones who have passed and the things she says is absolutely amazing if its for real. It makes me want to see if there is a reputable Medium here who can "talk" to Mike. I have never really believed in these kinds of things but like I said....I am desperate for answers.

Just Breathe

2011-10-09T16:59:00.003-05:00

So much has been going on the past few weeks and I have been meaning to update this blog but I haven't really had much of a chance! It's nice to have a second to just breathe and relax and those times are hard to come across now.

In the past four weekends I have gone to 3 Festivals, 2 Bridal showers, 1 baby shower, and a kids birthday party. I was suppose to go to a second baby shower but I had to cancel because I was so exhausted and run down I couldn't get out of bed! And on top of that Mason has a soccer game every Saturday that I refuse to miss! I have also had my parents over for dinner one night, Mikes parents over for dinner another night, and I have a friend coming over for dinner tonight. I love hosting people here but it definitely takes some work! What happened to those weekends of being so bored and desperate to find something to do? I miss those weekends! With how busy I am you would think that I have hundreds of friends! But alas, this single mama does not.

I have also decided to add some things to my busy life. First would be Lily, our new kitten! She is super cute but oh so scared! She hides for most of the day and night! Mason just adores her and all he wants to do is hold her. But when little one sees this big kid running towards her with excitement she freaks and runs under my dresser and climbs up into the drawers! haha. Mason really wanted to call her Twinkle Toes but I knew that would be a decision he regretted when he got older so her name is officially Lily Florence!

And for the most recent update to my life.......I am buying a HOUSE!!!! I can not be more excited about this! My lease is not up until February so I have not quite started the search yet but I have already given my Realtor my needs/wish list and gotten approved for the loan so I am ready to go! And my Realtor is a good family friend and has worked with my parents and my brother so I know she will help me out! I am also going to have her show me every step she takes so I can get some experience under my belt for when I get my Real Estate License!

I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past few months. There have been some REALLY bad times and some REALLY good times! It has been a roller coaster of emotions to say the least. I am still trying to adjust to not having Mason's father here anymore and I have gotten a lot better but some days I just completely lose it. I just never know what will set me off. But at the end of the day I am alive and healthy, Mason is alive and healthy, my family is alive and healthy, and I have the most amazing people surrounding me and my son. No matter what I have gone through I am really a lucky lady to have what I do! I wish everyone had the friends and family that I do, without them I would be so lost.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

2011-09-23T08:13:00.003-05:00

So several people have mentioned to me that I should Read "Heaven is for Real." For those of you have not heard of this book, it is the true story of a boys trip to Heaven and back. I would love to read this book, really I would. But I am a little hesitant on if I should or not. See, I am still pretty emotional about Mike's death. And in the Hospital on the day of Mike's accident Beth and I were talking about how we wanted to ask Mike what it was like being dead and then coming back. Mike died on scene at the accident but they brought him back to life and we could not wait to hear his stories. Did he see a light? Did all of his childhood memories flash before him? Did he see loved ones that had passed? Was there a big pearly gate? All we had to do was wait for him to wake up so we could ask him.....only problem is.....he never woke up. So I don't know if I want to read this book because I wanted to hear about Heaven from Mike.....but obviously that is not going to happen.

So here is my question...Should I read the book or Shouldn't I?

Sad Realization

2011-09-14T09:45:00.004-05:00

So any one who knows me, even if for only a few minutes, knows that I am not a fan of Texas. I have wanted to move out of here since we moved here about 18 years ago. Every time I start the planning process something comes up. The top two contenders for me are California and Colorado. California is my number 1 choice, however I have no family there and it is SO expensive I think if I moved there that I would be setting myself up for failure. So Colorado it is. I have a few family members, my company has an office there, and the price is just about the same as it is here.

So you might say that it is Selfish of me to want to move Mason and myself away from Texas and everyone here.....And you would be right. Everything that I do is for my son. I wouldn't change it for the world but at the same time it is MY life too! I want to enjoy life and really feel like I am living out my dream. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I am just existing here....not truly living. I want to do more things outdoors and in this great state of TX there isn't much to do. And during the summer time unless you want to have a heat stroke you need to stay indoors. I want to sit there one weekend bored and say "hey lets go hiking" and an hour later be at the mountains. So the planning begins. I found some really nice apartments with beautiful views and in my price range. I did the research on the elementary schools in the area too to make sure Mason would be starting Kindergarten somewhere good. My plan was to move next summer. With Mike dying so quickly it made me realize that I need to stop wasting my time and start living out my dreams.

Then I went with Mason to a little family BBQ at Mikes family's house over Labor Day weekend. We had an absolute blast and I love seeing how adored Mason is by everyone. But then Beth said something to me that night that made me realize I have to put my plans on hold. (I was waiting to tell them about the move until it was for sure because I was really scared of how it would hurt them.) Beth said that every time the phone rings she gets scared that something else has happened. And she then said several times "I cant handle anything else happening right now." And that is when it just kind of hit me. I need this move for myself. But Mikes family needs Mason to help them cope with the loss of Mike. I didn't lose my son....they did. And I think it will be too soon after losing their son to then lose their grandson. They wouldn't completely lose their grandson because no matter where I live they will always play a huge role in Masons life. But physically spending time with Mason would be cut drastically. I know it will also be hard on Mason but he is still too young to grasp everything and he adapts so easily to every situation thrown his way.

So the decision has been made. My plans have been put on hold for a few more years. I WILL eventually move out of TX but for right now I think it is for the best that we stay put.

Labor Day Weekend

2011-09-11T15:36:00.003-05:00

Last weekend was Labor Day weekend and it was much needed!! So much has been going on in the past two months and it was nice to have a weekend of fun. On Friday Uncle Primo came over and played with Mason for a little bit. He is like a big kid with Mason and Mason gets excited every time he sees him.
Then Mason had soccer practice later that night. It was his second practice and Mason loves his team. He definitely has some problems focusing on the game and not the grass or a bird in the sky. And he tends to spend most of the practice hanging on the goal posts but I was able to get an action shot of him actually playing.! He is number 11 since his dads birthday was on the 11th and he thinks that is so cool! Go Stingrays!!

Saturday Mason and I met up with Aunt Wendy in Dallas and had lunch but I didn't get any pictures of that unfortunately. We went swimming afterwards and since I didn't have a floaty for Mason he refused to get in! Luckily a bee flew by and we told him the only way to be safe from the bees was to get in the water so he quickly jumped into my arms! :) Mikes cousin and aunt came in town over the weekend so they took Mason to a water park on Sunday with Beth. Then we all went over to Mark and Beth's house for dinner. It was really nice to just relax over there and see how much everyone loves Mason. Mason truly is one lucky kid!

On a side note, today is exactly ten years from the attack on 9/11, and it is two months since Mike died. Every channel seems to have a special on and it is really hard to see all this talk about death. Definitely an emotional day.

Rough Few Days

2011-08-28T15:54:00.002-05:00

So the past few weeks things have been getting better with Mason and I. There have been a lot less break downs and Mason has been getting Green paper at school every day. But the last few days have been really emotional. It seems to come and go in waves. Wednesday night Mason was laying in bed talking to Mike. He was crying saying "Daddy, please come back down from Heaven, I dont want you up there" :( It was absolutely heartbreaking. There is not a thing that I can do to stop those tears. I cant tell him that everything is going to be just fine because truth be told I dont know if it ever will. He lost his father. Someone who meant so much to him and someone he loved so much. I am a Huge Daddy's girl and Mason wont ever get the chance to be a daddy's boy. Little boys need their fathers. Im definitely not as fun as Mike was with Mason. I have a lot more rules and am a lot stricter than Mike was. But Mike didnt have to be the strict one. He saw Mason every other weekend so he was able to be the Fun Dad and Mason misses that so much.

Then on Saturday I got another sympathy card in the mail. Dont get me wrong I appreciate these cards and it means a lot to know that people are out there praying for us. But I had not gotten one in a few weeks. So seeing that in the mail brought all those emotions back up. Nothing is suppose to happen in my life or my sons life that warrants getting a sympathy card. This was not suppose to happen to us. More importantly this was not suppose to happen to my little boy. He has done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the loss of his father.

One day when Mason has his own kids he is going to play catch with his son and it is suppose to bring back the memories of him playing catch with his dad. Now those memories will never be. I cant stand that. The thought of him in elementary school and kids asking him what his dad does and him having to say that his dad is in heaven is such a horrible thought.

I never in a million years thought something like this could happen to us. All of this has really made me take a good look at my life and how I am living it. Dont ever take life for Granted. Live out your dreams and Live every day like it is your last because tomorrow is not guaranteed.

~ Please Help ~

2011-08-22T14:46:00.014-05:00

Alzheimer's is something that really hits home with me. It runs in the women on my Dad's side of the family. My Dad's grandmother, great grandmother, and great aunt all passed away because of this. His mother died too young of breast cancer to know if she would have gotten it. Unfortunately, Alzheimer's has decided to show its ugly face again.

The whole thing is heartbreaking and something needs to be done to help end this. Currently, more than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer's and that number is expected to grow to as many as 16 million by 2050. Our future is at risk unless we can find a way to change the course of this disease.

On October 8th, 2011 I will be walking to end Alzheimer's. I need your support to do my part! Please make a donation to help the Alzheimer's Association advance research into prevention, treatments and a cure for Alzheimer’s. For the millions already affected by the disease, the Association offers care, education, support and resources in communities nationwide. You can donate by clicking the link below. Thank you everyone for your support!

http://walktoendalz.kintera.org/grapevine/kristenmf07

Quick Update

2011-08-20T08:59:00.002-05:00

So much has happened these past two weeks that I really dont know where to start. Mason and I have definitely been busy little bees. He started therapy last week and has had two sessions now. I really dont know if he needs to continue with it because he is doing so much better now. I dont think it was from the therapy though because this past wednesday was the first one on one sessions he had and he was doing better even before that. He went two weeks of being SO bad like I posted before and now he is getting all greens at school! I have been signing him up for all the Field Trips so he goes on about 2-3 a week and I think that is definitely helping him to burn off some of his energy. I also am not a huge fan of Masons counselor. Within the first 20 minutes of the first session she told me that 6 months before Mason starts Kindergarten I need to get him in to see a Neurologist to get his ADHD diagnoses and get him on meds. The first session was just me and the counselor talking about what happened while Mason was in the corner playing with toys so she really didnt even interact with him. Now I have no doubt that Mason has ADHD, I have always thought this and his dad had ADHD too. But telling me after 20 minutes that I need to get my 4 year old on meds so he can calm down just doesnt really sit well with me. I talked with his daycare to see if his hyperactivity is affecting him with his school work there and they said no, he is just like every other little 4 year old boy there. The owner has ADD and so does his son and he told me to definitely wait on putting Mason on meds bc he is way too young. I completely agree with this. Now if they had told me that his hyperactivity is affecting him negatively at school then yes I would absolutely consider putting him on meds. But if its not affecting him right now then I see no reason to dope him up!
I also started school this week! One of my classes is Research Writing and I got my topic approved! My topic is.....The Pros and Cons of Meds for Kids with ADHD! So if Mason does indeed need meds down the road I can make an educated decision. I really cant tell you how excited that it makes me to know that in a few short weeks I will be a Pro on this topic! I already have had several people say they want to read my paper so when I am done with it I will post it here!

Because Life isnt Crazy Enough!

2011-08-03T10:52:00.002-05:00

So my life right now obviously is not crazy enough right? I feel like I am being pulled in so many different directions right now! And yet I keep piling things on! I have been completely slacking with studying for my state licensing exam so that I can get my real estate license but it is time that I really start cracking down on that. And starting August 15th I am going back to school full time so it is going to be even harder to study for that exam! I also have enrolled Mason in soccer and I find out in two weeks what days his practice will be on. I am really hoping it is not on Tuesdays or Thursdays because there is a karate place right next to my apartment that I want to put him in and the classes are those days. I don't know if I have bitten off more than I can chew but it helps a lot if I stay busy. Less time to think about things!

On a side note, Mason has been doing really bad lately. At Daycare you get a color each day, green, yellow, or red. And Mason is a green color kind of kid! Of course he has his days being that he is a 4 year old hyper boy! But green is the norm around here! For the past two weeks though he has only been getting red! He has been screaming, yelling, pushing, hitting, kicking, throwing, you name it! This is so not like my little boy! I know this is normal behaviour for a kid his age going through what he is going through but this is so tough on me! I need to discipline him and make sure he knows that this is not OK but at the same time it is not his fault. He has so many feelings and emotions going on and he does not know how to channel them so he acts out. I feel so helpless and as a mother that is the worst feeling ever! So starting Monday Mason has his first "play therapy" session. This counselor specializes in preschoolers and I REALLY hope this helps! I tried so hard to hold back tears while I was making this appointment BC it hurts so bad knowing that my little boy is hurting and I cant "fix" it for him! I just wish everything was back to normal!

Assumptions

2011-08-02T08:30:00.004-05:00

I'm hiding at my desk right now trying to stop the tears from flowing. Every time I think about Mikes accident I get so angry that I start to cry. Writing about the days in the hospital helped me to not harbor on those thoughts as much so I am hoping that writing this out will help with my anger. Before I start talking about the accident I want to make it clear that we do not know for sure what happened. This is what I believe happened from putting the pieces together....

According to the witness statement on the police report Mike was speeding. Which is not unusual for Mike, he was a very fast aggressive drive. The car in front of Mike had a trailer attached to it and Mike hit the trailer, lost control and hit the median 3 times while spinning and ended up upside down. The police report stated that the accident happened at 6:36 am. Mike got a text from his roommate at 6:35 am telling him to go straight to the job site because he had his hard hat. So what I believe happened was that he was reading this text when he hit the car in front of him. You don't just hit a car in front of you on the highway unless your eyes are not on the road. I saw photos of the car and the driver side looked fine. You can see that the car definitely rolled over on the passenger side but the car itself is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. There was some damage on the passenger side but the car was not smashed in like I expected it would be. Another witness that came to help Mike stated that Mike was on the passenger side of the car. Now if someone was wearing their seat belt they would not have ended up on the passenger side of the car. And the driver side of the car was FINE! So in this situation I believe that he was not wearing his seat belt. He did not break any bones, only had one small cut on the bottom of his chin. He hit his head just hard enough to knock him out which is what ultimately caused his death.

So from the pieces of information here and there I think Mike was reading a text and not wearing his seat belt. In my eyes, my son lost his father to that! I am so livid with the whole situation and so angry with Mike! This could have easily been prevented! I will admit that I am guilty of texting while driving but NEVER again! No text is worth someones life! And everyone knows that seat belts save lives so WHY in the world would you not wear one!!!!! I know that there is nothing that can be done to change what happened but I still have so much anger. My 4 year old son lost his father, someone who he loved with all his heart, over something so stupid as this. It absolutely breaks my heart! Now could I be 100% wrong on what happened? ABSOLUTELY! I really don't think from the facts that I have that I am wrong, but I have been wrong plenty of times before!

5 days of Hell

2011-07-27T18:12:00.002-05:00

I keep going over those five days that Mike was in the hospital over and over and over in my head. Every night that I am trying to sleep I cant because my mind keeps going back to those days. So I am hoping that if I write it all out then I cant stop thinking about it constantly. So here it goes...

Thursday July 7, 2011
Around 10am I get a call from Beth, Mikes mom. The phone keeps breaking up and the reception is extremely bad. All I can make out is....Mike....Car Accident....Critical Condition....Parkland. I beg Beth to call me back because I cant understand what she is saying and I hang the phone up. I immediately start freaking out and call my parents to see what I do. Do I go to the hospital or Do I not? We obviously arent together anymore but this is my sons father!! So about 15 minutes later I get a call back from Wendy, Mikes sister, giving me more details. I go back to my desk and immediately call my mom to come and take me to the hospital because I couldnt drive. We got to the hospital a little after that and we meet up with Mikes family. I wasnt sure how they would take us being there but they seemed happy we came. Which was such a relief because the last thing I wanted was to upset them. Lucky for me they still consider us family and I am so thankful for that! A few hours go by and several doctors have talked to us. We were informed that Mike was unconscious and either vomited in his lungs or severly bruised them at the time of the accident, which then caused everything to fail. Mike died on the scene and they did not know how long he went without oxygen before being revived. He would have to be in the hospital for at least several weeks to get better. So we all expected that he would be fine. A child specialist came in and talked to me about bringing Mason in to see daddy in a few weeks when he was better. So a little later I was able to go back and see Mike. Unfortunately right when we got back there he started seizing. I started bawling and had to walk out. That was definitely not something that I was prepared to see. We left shortly after that because I just didnt want to see him like that anymore. I wanted to come back and see him when he was just fine!! So a few hours later I get a text from Wendy saying that they are going to have to drill a hole in Mikes head to releave the pressure from his brain. And after they did that I got another text from Wendy saying that Mike has No brain activity and there is no hope. Everything changed so quick and I lost it! I told Mason about the accident and how daddy hurt his heart, lungs, and brain and was in the hospital. He put on a fake cry because he saw that I was crying and thought that was what he was suppose to do. He obviously didnt quite get it. And that was that.

Friday July 8, 2011
I took off work because so much was going on in my head there was no way that I could go to work. I asked my friend to go to the movies with me and help take my mind off of everything. I wanted to go back up to the hospital but I figured his parents might want some time alone with Mike. So literally the second that we sat down at the theater I get a text from Wendy saying to come back up there because they are about to make the decision on letting Mike go. So as fast as we could get there I was there. I was informed that MAYBE in 6 months to 1 year Mike might be able to open his eyes but that is it and he will have to live in a nursing home the rest of his life. Now if you knew Mike you would know that he is a crazy wild happy go lucky guy and he would never want to live that way. So we are all in agreement to let Mike go. One of the hardest things was that Mike looked fine! He had not a single broken brone! And physically he looked fine! I kept telling him to WAKE UP! How can so much be wrong interanlly and externally everything is perfect? Then the donation people came in and asked if we think Mike would want to donate his organs. Crazy enough Mike just had this conversation with his best friend, Primo, a few days before and Mike definitely wanted to donate his organs. They said the process would take about 24 hours to set up so on saturday is when everything would take place. We told the doctors that if Mike wants to go before then to let him go. Then the neurologist came in and told us that he did see a tiny little bit of improvement. He still believed the outcome was going to be the same but wanted to wait until 72 hours from the accident to be 100% confident in the decision that was made. After 72 hours if the brain has not started to recover then there was no hope. Mike deserved that chance to fight. Before leaving, the child specialist came back in to talk to me under different circumstances. This time instead of talking about bringing Mason to see daddy in a few weeks I had to talk to her about explaining to Mason that his daddy was going to die. That was one of the hardest talks but Ashley was absolutely amazing and gave me some good books to read to Mason.

Saturday July 9, 2011
At 3:30am I get a call from Beth saying that the Hospital called and told them to come up bc Mikes body is shutting down. I just laid on my couch and cried, the time was finally here. Around 10am I asked Beth if Mike did indeed pass and she informed me that they put him on a bigger ventilator and is stable again. I had planned on not going to the hospital today and was just trying to pretend like none of this was happening. But for some reason it just felt SO wrong to not be there! So I did stop by for a few hours. I saw Mike every day he was in the hospital and was able to talk to him and tell him everything that I needed to say. Me and Mike definitely had our arguments and I had a lot of things that I needed to say to him, things that I would not have said to him if he could hear me. In some sick twisted way it really helped me to be able to say to him what I needed before he left, even though he didnt hear any of it. I wanted him to know that Mason will always think of him as his hero and that he sure as heck better be watching over Mason from up above and help me protect him.

Sunday July 10, 2011
My mom came with me to the hospital around 8am because the doctors would all be coming in by 10am to talk to us as it would have been the 72 hour mark. Mason drew a picture for his daddy to have before he passed. It was daddy riding a shark haha. Anyways as expected the doctors came in and told us what we expected. Truth is, Mike really died at the scene of the accident. Now all that was left was his body. So we have to wait for some tests to come in that will let us know if he can still donate. Because his body had been in such distress there was a chance that he would not be able to donate anymore. This was something Mike said he wanted just a few days prior so I was devistated thinking he may not be able to. The tests finally came back around 11am and he was cleared to donate!!! So Mark and Beth signed the paperwork and the 24 hour wait began.

Monday July 11, 2011
I went to the hospital alone today because I have found out that I like to be left alone when I am going through something like this. Mikes family was there ofcourse but I didnt want my family there with me. A priest came and prayed over Mike before they brought him down to the operating room. I didnt want to see Mike today because knowing he would be gone in an hour was just too much. In order to remain eligble to donate your organs you have to die within 60 minutes on your own after taking the machines off or they bring you back up to sit with your family until you pass. Mike passed in 8 minutes. He was so ready. They told us they gave him pain meds and he showed no sign of pain and passed peacefully. Finally. It was over. Mike was at peace in heaven and finally free of all demons that he has struggled with. It really was such a relief to know he no longer had to fight. For the rest of the day I didnt cry. Which was strange because I had been crying since I found out about the accident. But for the rest of that day I finally felt peace. I found out a few days later that a 42 year old and a 62 year old in Dallas got Mikes kidneys :) Hopefully one day Mason can meet who his daddy saved!

By the way, every single person at the Surgery ICU at Parkland was simply amazing! They made such a horrible time in our lives better. They did everything they could to help Mike, were completely up front with us, and answered any and every question we had.

A little bit of normalcy

2011-07-25T18:22:00.004-05:00

This weekend was my first weekend without Mason since Mikes accident. While it was nice to have a little break I was a total wreck on Friday. Mason has been my little security blanket and I have held on so tight to him since the accident. He was with Nana and Pop on Friday, Mikes parents, so I knew that he was completely safe and in good hands but that wasnt the point. Not being with him definitely brought the tears out. Luckily I was able to meet a good girlfriend of mine for dinner and a movie on Friday. We saw Friends with Benefits and if you have not seen that movie you must go see it!! It is hands down my favorite movie! I have NEVER laughed so much in my life!!! And there were parts that I cried too. The dad in the movie has alzheimers and my Aunt got diagnosed last year with this so it really struck home. Most of the women on my dads side of the family have been diagnosed with this and I am so scared of having it when I am older. I think that would be one of the toughest ways to go. Anyways good movie...so go see it! The next night I went out with Wendy to pretend like all was right in the world. I found myself talking a lot about Mike though. Being surrounded by people who loved him just brought all kinds of emotions up. But we did have a good time and I am so happy I was able to get out finally!On Saturday Mason stayed at my Brother and Sister-in-laws house, Shaun and Andrea. They have two little boys, 5 and 2. Mason is absolutely in love with them and was SO excited to be able to stay the night there! So early Sunday Morning I picked him up and was able to get this cute photo...even though Baby Connor is the only one looking at the camera haha

So overall it was a really good weekend. There were definitely some highs and lows but its time to try and find a new "normal" I guess

Party of 4

2011-07-22T12:38:00.008-05:00

Last night Mason and I went on a dinner date with Wendy and Uncle Primo. Wendy is Mikes sister and Uncle Primo was Mikes best friend and roommate. Obviously Auntie Wendy loves Mason and wants to spend as much time as possible with him. And anytime Mike had Mason for a weekend Uncle Primo was always there and they both absolutely adore eachother!! So we met in Downtown Plano for some grub! As usual we are early to get there so we decided to take some photos on my new camera! And as usual Mason is being a total Ham!Once Wendy and Primo arrived the real fun began! Primo is like a big kid himself so him and Mason can definitely get into some trouble together!
And Auntie Wendy is definitely a Florence! Mason kept playing with his Napkin putting it around his head and before you know it Wendy was doing it too without even realizing it!
These two people mean a lot to Mason! And I am really happy that Mason and I both have them in our lives!

Work Work Work

2011-07-20T12:40:00.002-05:00

So Monday was my first day back to work since Mikes car accident. I was absolutely dreading coming back bc being gone for 6 1/2 days means I have a lot of work to catch up on! I mean A LOT! I am an adjustor so I handle on the job injury claims for employees of Lowes. I have all these contacts to make and follow ups to do on medical treatment and it piles up really fast! Well......my coworkes are Rockstars! They did all of my work for me while I was gone so when I came back it was like I had not missed a single day! You have NO idea how much I needed that!!!

I have a few good friends in my office and I told them to let people know that when I came back I was not going to want to talk about what happened. And unless I bring it up in conversation no one has said a word! It has been great! I have had actual conversations that do not revolve around sadness and it is exactly what the doctor ordered!!! I am starting to feel normal again. I do still have my moments, today is definitely a bit of a rollercoaster with my emotions but overall it has been nice being back to a routine!

This is all just a bad dream......right?

2011-07-17T13:45:00.002-05:00

So it has been over a year since I last posted on this Blog and obviously a lot has changed and needs to be updated. This past week and half has been one of the hardest ever and I am hoping that writing about it will help me cope.

So for those who dont know, My Ex Husband, Mike, who is Mason's daddy was in a car accident on 7/7/11 on his way to work that morning. He died on the scene and they were able to revive him. He spent the next few days in the hospital and it was full of ups and downs, and a glimmer of hope, and then no hope at all. At the time of the accident he went too long without oxygen and his brain would never be able to recover from that. On the afternoon of 7/11/11 Mike went to Heaven. I will go into more detail about those days in another post, not quite ready to re-live those days. He actually had a talk with his roommate just a few days before the accident saying that he wanted to donate his organs. So they brought Mike down to the operating room and took him off the machines. You have to pass in 60 minutes on your own in order to remain elligble to donate or they bring you back up with your family so they can sit with you until you pass. Mike passed in 8 minutes. It was a relief to know that he passed so quickly and the Doctors reassured us that he was in no pain at all. A 42 year old and a 62 year old in the Dallas area received his kidneys! We hope to one day meet them so Mason can see who his daddy saved!

This has been a million times harder on me than I ever expected. We divorced 3 years ago and while we were not in love with eachother anymore, and we definitely had our arguments, he was the father of my son! And I did love him at one point in my life and even married the guy! It breaks my heart into pieces knowing that Mason will never see his daddy again. My earliest memory is from when I was 5.....Mason is only 4. I am so scared that when he gets older he wont remember even one memory with his daddy. And having to listen to Mason cry asking why his daddy had to die....its the hardest thing to listen to! Mason gets what is going on but he does not fully comprehend what Forever is, which is kind of a good thing right now. Its going to be a long road ahead of us thats for sure!

Over the past week I have grown closer to Mikes family than I ever have before. I could not imagine having to bury your own son! Or having to bury a brother that you grew up so close with! The World is just not fair sometimes!!! I know Mason will be ok though because he still has so much family that loves and adores him and so many friends of Mikes that want to continue to stay in Masons life. It was actually suppose to be Mikes weekend with Mason this weekend and thats when things started to really sink in. Mike will never get to spend another weekend with his son and vice versa. The past two days I have just started bawling out of nowhere...I mean literally, Nowhere! I have so many different emotions going on right now, I am a total wreck! The only thing getting me through this right now is knowing that we have so much love and support from family and friends. We are truly blessed in that area.

So anyways, I will be updating regularly on here about anything and everything, and hopefully it will help me get some peace with what is going on....

MIA

2010-03-20T10:02:00.001-05:00

Sorry I have been completely and totally MIA. I hate it! I feel so lost since I have not been on here in two weeks! So much has been going on and I promise to update more this weekend!

Moving on Up

2010-02-26T07:49:00.004-06:00

Mason moved up in his daycare to the Young 4s class. He just turned 3 at the end of January! He moved for several reasons.

1. Hes smart for his age, always has been
2. He gets bored too easily with the activities the old class did
3. Hes a Bully....yup thats right. My precious little baby is a bully.

He Loves to play rough and be in charge. I have tried everything under the sun to get him to be more gentle but it just doesnt work. He is especially rough when he is bored and has nothing else to do. This child is an on the go kind of kid who does not and will not sit still. He can out last any other kid out there, well almost any other kid. So while Im happy that in just two weeks of him being at this new daycare they acknowledged that he needs more of a mental challenge then what they were originally doing Im bummed hes acting up. I dont know what to do to correct that kind of behavior.

At least now the kids in his class are older and have more of a chance to hold their own against Mason...

Ughhh....my son the BULLY.......HELP

~ Wishful Wednesday ~

2010-02-23T12:46:00.005-06:00

'I wish' .... I could play a character's role in a book and it would be __________! Include the fictional characters name and novel too

For me I would like to be Stephanie Plum from the Plum Series by Janet Evanovich

Why would I be her? Well its simple! She has two very sexy men that want to be with her. She has the good guy/bad guy that she gets to choose from. Well they are both good guys but one may or may not do things according to the law...

She is also a bounty hunter and gets to be dangerous...how fun! Now I wouldnt want the crazies out there trying to kill me or have every car I get be blown to pieces but I would love to have a more interesting job. Something to get my adrenalin running and always keep me entertained. Never a boring day!

If you havent read these books I suggest you do! Im not much of a reader but I read all 15 (or something like that, I dont remember the exact amount) novels in one summer.

Ok Your turn! Copy the Wishful Wednesday Button and put it on your post.

You can link your post to the blog of the lovely creator of Wishful Wednesdays, Kelsey

Dont Leave It On The Desk

2010-02-23T12:28:00.001-06:00

So this is pretty long but such a great illustration....

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a
studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States.

Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at
this particular institution. Every student was required to take this
course their freshman year, regardless of his or her major.

Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the
gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the
course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most
students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve
was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto
seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he
was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on
the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's
class.

One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could
talk with him.

"How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think
you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know.... I've never done 300 at a time"

"Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson.

"Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need
you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you
do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor.

Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it."

Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday.. Let me
explain what I have in mind."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the
room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts.
No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy
BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty
excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to
get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's
class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked,
"Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?"

Cynthia said, "Yes."

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do
ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

"Sure!" Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve
again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do
you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten
push-ups so Joe can have a donut?"

Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first
aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their
donut.

Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott
was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was
very popular and never lacking for female companionship..

When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push-ups?"

Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."

Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

Dr.... Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve,
would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"

With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.

Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

Dr.. Christianson said, "Look! This is my classroom, my class, my desks,
and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want
it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed
on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting
up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out
around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were
beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny,
do you want a donut?"

Sternly, Jenny said, "No."

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more
push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?"

Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students
were beginning to say, "No!" and there were all these uneaten donuts on
the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these
push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat
on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get
red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the
class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten
push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work
for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was
so Robert counted the set and watch Steve closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row.. During his class,
however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down
on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room.
When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now
there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would
be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next.
Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was
taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each
one?"

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your push-ups.
You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr.
Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room
and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO!
Don't come in! Stay out!"

Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said,
"No, let him come."

Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you
will have to do ten push-ups for him?"

Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut."

Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the
way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said,
"give me a donut."

"Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?"

Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason,
bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those
visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each
push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By
this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no
sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room..

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both
cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the
second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups
so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you
want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr.
Christianson, why can't I help him?"

Dr Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it
alone; I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that
everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not..
When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my
grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade.
Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior
work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up
he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my
party unless he paid the price by doing your push-ups. He and I made a
deal for your sakes."

"Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?"

As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding
that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350
push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our
Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'Into thy hands
I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done
everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like
some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk,
uneaten. "

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically
exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

"Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding, "Not
all sermons are preached in words."

Turning to his class, the professor said, "My wish is that you might
understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that
have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ. He spared not His Only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for
us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose
to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid."

"Wouldn't you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?"

A First

2010-02-21T09:34:00.004-06:00

Mason got his First "Professional" haircut yesterday!! I have been the one to always cut his hair so it was nice to have someone else do it who knew what they were doing!

This is the before picture. He was busy playing with the train table but I managed to get him to make a fake smile real quick.

He did such a good job sitting still! I was such a proud mama!

How cute is he? I mean honestly? Look at that cute hair cut!

~Thankful~

2010-02-19T15:14:00.003-06:00

With everything that has been going on lately I thought it would be good to just write out what I am thankful for...(in no specific order)

-Mason. This child is my everything and I wouldnt give him up for the world. He is so precious and so loving and just what I need in my life.

-My parents. Time and time again they prove to me that love has no boundaries. They have put a roof over my head, and Masons, and food in our stomaches. Without them I dont know where I would be. Probably living in a box somewhere. They are also such role models when it comes to faith. They are the epitome of what Christians should be like. They know their values and their morals and they are not afraid to state them but they are also more forgiving than I think I could ever be.

-Health. Everyone I know and love is healthy. You really can't ask for much more than that.

-My job. In this economy you are lucky to have a job. Not only do I have one but my job pretty much rocks. They are paying for my school and there is so much room for growth within the company.

-God. My relationship with God has become stronger than it ever has before in the past few month. These past two weeks I have definitely not been as close and I feel such a big whole in my life. Im thankful to have found him and look foward to strengthening that relationship.

-My friends. I have some of the best friends. No matter what happens they are there for me, not to tell me that I am right, but to support me and help me through the tough times. Thats what friendship is all about.

There is definitely more but the list can go on and on and on so I will just leave it at those main ones!

What are you thankful for?

Being the bigger person....

2010-02-18T15:29:00.003-06:00

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be the bigger person sometimes.....I am not one to keep my mouth shut but it's not going to change anything in this case if I open it. Whats done is done and that is that. To go gabbing to plenty of people who know nothing about the situation and have no need to know is ridiculous! Sorry this is so vague I just cant believe some people some times. Its funny how when you have never been in the situation before you really have no idea.....Its not always Black and White like you think when looking from the outside in.

What are you giving up?

2010-02-18T12:57:00.003-06:00

For Lent that is!

No, im not Catholic but I am giving up something anyways....Fast Food. Its quick its easy and its oh so yummy! Which is why it must GO!
Yesterday I went heavy duty Grocery shopping to make sure I had plenty of everything so I would not be tempted to eat out. Lets see if I can do this! I dont have much self discipline when it comes to food! Lord help me!!!

Oh by the way...Mason was absolutely amazing when I picked him up yesterday from daycare! :)

FYI-----TWO weeks from today we will be in DISNEYWORLD!!!!!!

Wow...

2010-02-15T09:49:00.002-06:00

Thats really all I can say at this point...Wow! These past two weeks have been life changing. I wont go into details...i dont know if i ever will. Im just glad these past few weeks are over....and i also realized that I have the most amazing parents in the world. Just when I think there is no way they will understand something they always seem to surprise me. Thats what true love is! No matter what happens they are ALWAYS there for me and will ALWAYS love me and NOT judge me! I sure am lucky in that department! :)

~Success~

2010-02-02T13:53:00.003-06:00

Well Mason did absolutely wonderful at his New Daycare!! When I asked how he did they said he was extremely good....I made them repeat that several times!! :)
The last few weeks that he was at Aunt Andrea's house for daycare Mason had been horrible. He and his cousin were constantly getting in fights, Mason was saying bad words over and over, and when in time out he would kick the wall! So I was in shock when they said he was an angel! It made me one PROUD mama!
The best part......he has a GIRLFRIEND!! He has been there for all of one day and is already holding hands with another little girl! Man am I in trouble when he gets older or what? When I asked him what her name is he said Goldilocks (Grandpa tells him the 3 bears story every night before bed). Is he cute or what? In the car he kept talking about what he did and how much fun he had! This morning when I asked him if he was ready to go to his new school again he started jumping up and down and smiling! Soo I guess that means he likes it there! Maybe I can relax a little now :)

New School Day

2010-02-01T15:09:00.003-06:00

Well today is Masons first day at his new daycare! He was stoked to be starting a New School and making New friends!! This morning when I dropped him off he was so excited to play. He had no problem what-so-ever with me leaving! Can I tell you how sad that makes me! Not that I want my son to ever cry but at least one little tear would have sufficed. I mean, not even a "Don't leave me mommy" or anything came out of this little guy! I was trying to get him to give me a hug goodbye and all he could talk about was the toy tractor he was playing with! Oh the joys of children becoming independent. I am beyond anxious to pick him up and see how his day went! I hope he was a well behaved little man :) I guess we will find out soon enough~

Stella & Dot

2010-01-28T08:00:00.003-06:00

Its official people! I am now selling Stella & Dot jewelry! I am beyond excited to start this new adventure so hop on over to www.stelladot.com/kristenflorence and check out all the amazing jewelry they have!!

And if you are interested in receiving some free jewelry by hosting your own trunk show let me know!!

Change Keeps A Comin

2010-01-26T10:01:00.002-06:00

Wow, I was not kidding when I said this is a year of change!!! So much has been going on these past few days!!

On Saturday Mason started his first swimming lesson ever! He goes in the water a lot but I dont have a pool so its usually at the lake and thats not an easy place to teach someone how to swim! This session consists of 4 classes and I took him to this first, his daddy will be taking him to his 2nd and 3rd classes and I will be taking Mason to his final class. Im so excited to see the progress that he makes! When I set him next to the pool he was the ONLY one crying! I felt so bad but I knew I had to let him be. Boy was that tough! I was honestly getting frustrated watching him. He wouldn't blow bubbles in the water or put his head down and he was really scared. Granted it has been a few months since he has been in the water but I Know he can do it because he has done it before! So im hoping by the 4th class he will be a lot more comfortable in the water.

On Sunday my baby turned THREE!!!! Yes thats right people! THREE years old!! When did that happen? I dont think he had my permission to get older! Well anyways, we had his party at a gymnastic studio. He had such a ball and it was just perfect! I swear this child of mine has absolutely NO fear, whatsoever! I will post pics later of everything!

On Monday I signed up at Lifetime Fitness and I have not been to a gym since highschool! They have all the classes that I want to take and this place is sooo amazing! I cant wait to take Mason swimming here! I get off work at 4, the classes are at 4:30 and end at 5:30 and Masons daycare closes at 6:15! Its all perfect timing and within minutes from my work, the gym, and daycare. It could not have worked out more perfectly! I cant not wait to finally lose all this excess baggage and be back to where I want to be weight wise. Especially considering that we are going to DISNEYWORLD in just over a month and I want to look bangin in the photos!

And finally, this week I have decided to go forward with selling some amazing jewelry! Stella & Dot has been featured in many magazines and even on some tv shows and I am so excited for this new adventure! I will post more information after I have everything set up and ready to go!

I hope everyone is having a good week! This is one of the best weeks I have had in a LONG time and I sooooo needed this! You have no idea!

Too Cute

2010-01-22T14:53:00.002-06:00

Does it get any cuter than this.....

Yea I didnt think so! :)

Back to the Grind

2010-01-19T12:58:00.003-06:00

So yesterday was a much needed day off. Well technically it was not suppose to be a day off but I stayed home with Mason anyways. We went to the park and had such a great time! Its crazy how nice it was outside! I mean HELLO its January and in the 70s here! I hope this isnt some kind of sign of what Summer is going to be like. I cant handle the 100 degree weather very well! Anyways, Masons favorite part of the day was feeding the ducks!

Today it was time to get back to work, AND school! I am only taking one class this semester because of how busy I am going to be. Im taking Financial Accounting and just found out its a self paced class which is my favorite! Now if im ready for a test I can take it instead of having to wait for the test date.

I met a really good friend of mine for lunch today and I FINALLY got to meet her newest little man, Jacoby! He is already 7 weeks old and I cant believe it took so long for me to meet him! I hate that she doesnt live down the street anymore! It was so nice to see her and catch up!

I also just signed up Mason for swimming lessons starting this saturday!! I am beyond excited about this! My parents have a boat on Lake Levon and we go out every weekend during the summer. Im always so nervous about Mason in the water so it will be nice to be able to relax just a tiny bit more, and i mean TINY bit more! I had a nightmare a long time ago about Mason drowning so I get kinda freaked out when he is around water!

By the way.....Sunday my baby boy turns THREE!!!!!!!!!!!

Coasters Anyone?

2010-01-15T14:57:00.004-06:00

For a chance to win these cool coasters go here!

Change Is A Coming

2010-01-14T15:00:00.002-06:00

2010 is Definitely a year of change for me! And I could not be more excited or more ready! The first change is obviosuly this blog! I felt like the other layout was just too dark for me and I am not a dark person at all! I still havent found the perfect match for me yet but this will do for now! And I need to think of a cute blog name so any ideas would be greatly appreciated!!

The Second change is Masons daycare. My sister is closing her daycare which is a huge bummer but totally understandable. I dont know about you guys but I sooo do not have the patience to handle several running screaming kids all day! So in two weeks Mason starts his new daycare. Its less than 10 mins from my work and is on 20 acres. There are three parks, one for each age group, and a pool! They do spanish and computer classes also! I am sooo excited about this change! Mason will do so amazing there I just know it!

And finally, the last change as of yet is my job!!!! I got promoted to a claims examiner! Now this is not something that I want to spend the rest of my life doing but hey Im taking one for the team! And when I say team I mean me and Mason! The pay is a lot better and now I will actually have work to do when I am at work! Right now I am a claims assistant and I am so bored at this position and need more of a challenge! (But if your looking for a job we have 2 opening for claims assistants so let me know). My company is awesome and I love the people in my office so Im happy I will get to stay here! We are getting a new client which is the account I will be working on along with 7 other examiners. In March they are flying us out to Charlotte, NC for a few days to meet with the big wigs and I can't wait! A FREE cheap! Does it get better than that?

Yup, 2010 is going to be a year of change!

Movie Mayhem

2010-01-13T07:55:00.004-06:00

So this past weekend i took Mason to the movie theatre TWICE. And this was his First time ever to go! He did such a good job and made me one proud mama! On Saturday Me and my mom took Mason to see The Princess and the Frog. Im not brave enough to go by myself yet so I made my mom go with me! haha

They had the Chipmunks on display and Mason just HAD to get a picture with them. (These photos were taken on my new iPhone so they arent quite the best quality. And yes i said NEW iphone! Woohoo) Anyways back to the movies. On Sunday my dad and I took Mason and his cousin Zack to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. Unfortunately the Chipmunks werent on display anymore :( Oh well.
Arent they so cute together! Zack is such a cheeser and Mason was just loving having him with us. All in all it was a great weekend with my little man!

Check it out!

2010-01-10T14:06:00.002-06:00

So I am the First Featured mom on this blog!!! Go check it out.....

Wishful Wednesday...Hair

2010-01-06T12:23:00.005-06:00

Wishful Wednesdays are back! Heres todays.....

'I wish' .... I had ___Gretchen's (Real Housewives of Orange County)____ hair/hairstyle!

Although she may not be my favorite person in this world I cant deny the fact that I think she is beautiful! What I wouldnt give for her hair! Its always perfect! Everytime I curl my hair no matter what I do it loses its curl within the hour!! And I have really thick hair but it always seems so flat! I want some volume!!! Any suggestions for me on how to get this look feel free to leave a comment!

~Cardboard Testimony~

2009-12-30T13:24:00.005-06:00

So on Christmas Eve I participated in my Church's (Watermark) Christmas Eve Service doing the Cardboard Testimony. This was a huge deal for me to put myself out there like this. I will get to the reasoning of why in a minute. If you don't know what a Cardboard Testimony is they are pretty moving. During the service a song is played and one person is on stage at a time. The front of their cardboard says what their life was like before they had Christ in their life and then they flip it and the back says what their life is like now that they found Christ. I was really worried that after everyone saw my "dirty laundry" they would judge me and I was also extremely worried that I would trip and fall on my face in front of everyone! Luckily neither of those happened! So the pictures arent the best but here it goes....Here is what the front of my board said...

And then here is what the back said...

So there you have it. I spent over two years of my life addicted to drugs. I was at the lowest of lows during that time and was wasting away. Finally one day I woke up and decided enough was enough and I quit that day. My withdrawls were pretty bad and I had noone to help me through them. I couldnt have my friends around because at the time all my friends did drugs. And my parents couldnt help me because they had no idea what was going on. I spent a good week in my room just laying there because I had no energy to get up so I would pray. Its funny how no matter how lost you get and how sinful you are God never gives up on you. He truly helped me through one of the roughest times in my life.
So back to the reason why I did the Carboard Testimony. I have this passion for wanting to talk to teens and young adults who are going down the path that I went down. I want to share my testimony with them and let them know there really is more to life than that. The first step for me was to put myself out there and let people know they are not alone. So by doing this testimony I think I took that first step in putting myself out there! It was definitely nerve wrecking but I am so happy that I did it. I hope I touched at least one person out there by doing it!
Being that I am an ex-drug addict, divorced, single mom I definitely get judged on a daily basis. But yet my relationship with God is stronger than it ever has been before. Funny how things work out, huh. So one of the reasons that motivated me to go back to school, besides to give my son a better life, was because I want to show people that it really is possible to go from who I WAS to who I AM. I am really excited to be able to share that with others and help them on their journey. Its not easy but with the help of others and most importantly with the help of God anything is possible!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-29T08:19:00.009-06:00

Merry Christmas Everyone (A little late)! I hope everyone had an amazingly awesome Christmas! I had Mason this year which I really can not begin to tell you how happy that made me! Last Christmas I spent the majority of the day crying because my baby was not with me. This year could not have been more different! First of all we had a WHTIE Christmas!!

Now if you know me at all you know that I absolutely LOVE snow! So this made my whole day!! Me and Mason went out and played a little in the snow! He would try to throw a snowball at me and then start crying bc his hand was so cold! haha

If he would have just looked at the camera and smiled this could have turned out really cute!

We had to wait until Shaun and Andrea and their kids came over before we could open presents so we passed the time by decorating a gingerbread house and being goofy.

Me and a friend made headbands for our Holiday office party but never did wear them!

It was so pretty outside with all the white and my little man looks like such a big boy here! I cant believe he is about to be 3 years old! Crazy!!

Finally everyone came over and it was game on!

I hope everyone has enjoyed the Holidays so far!

Who....Me?

2009-12-23T10:01:00.006-06:00

WOW! Have I been slacking or what!? Its been a crazy couple weeks and I have been in a horrible funk! I decided to SNAP out of it and finally post something! Christmas is almost here and I could not be more excited!!! The other weekend I had two Christmas parties to go to. The first was a good friend of mine, Shauna's, party.

Katie went with me and we had a really good time! There was an intense game of Pictionary and my team lost at the last second! Boy do I hate to lose!
Well the next night my church, Watermark, had a Christmas party for the singles. It was Texas Country theme and a lot of fun!

My good friends Stacie and Shauna came with me! There was a lot of two stepping and country music!

Im not a big country girl so while I had a lot of fun its definitely not something I would want to participate in every weekend! All in all it was a fantastic weekend!
A couple days later me and some of my girl friends took a carriage ride through Highland Park to see all the Christmas lights! Have I mentioned that I LOVE this time of year!!

It was such a great night with great friends!!

Well Tomorrow is Christmas eve and I am doing something I have never done before! At the 2pm service at Watermark I am participating in the Cardboard Testimonies! I am so excited for this and its the first step to put myself out there! Stay tuned later this week and I will tell you what my cardboard said and WHY its so important for me to do this!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Too cute!

2009-12-11T15:49:00.004-06:00

Andrea took this picture this morning at daycare and I could not be more in love with it!

This picture captures both Mason and Zacks personality prefectely!!! Zack is the one who is always like "look at me" and Mason is the one who is always goofing off in one way or another! They are going to be such TROUBLE when they get older!!! Im so happy Mason has somebody to be like a brother to him!

Hot Springs, AR

2009-12-10T15:22:00.007-06:00

Sorry I havent posted in forever, finals are this weeks so its been pretty hectic! Last weekend me and 3 girl friends of mine went to Hot Springs, AR for a fun girls weekend! I had so much fun and it was so relaxing, just what I needed!! We left Friday morning around 6 am! At least one person stayed awake at all times to keep me company while I was driving so that was nice!

Alex was sleeping when we took this picture! She slept for most of the drive both ways haha

Before we went to the condo we decided to do some horse back riding!! IN 30 DEGREE WEATHER! Yes we were a little frozen, or a lot, but I loved it!

Our guide was a 40 year old man whose twang was so bad that we couldnt understand half of what he said. Which was difficult considering he talked the ENTIRE time! All about himself!! He has a 20 year old daughter and a 16 year old son. And a girlfriend who is 18 and has a 5 month old baby...but dont worry because her having a baby didnt scare him off at all! Haha. Then we found out about his ex wife stealing some of his horses and yada yada yada. So his whole head is shaved...except for a Horizontal line on the bottom by his neck! So strange! So it was definitely an interesting ride but still so fun!! My horse kept trying to bite Shaunas horses butt! And her horse kicked mine!!! Then mine started freaking out so I therefore starting freaking out! The last thing I wanted was to get bucked!! And the guide just says oh wow I have never seen Shaunas horse kick yours before and laughs! And then he proceeds on!!! Meanwhile my horse is giving me and every other horse the evil eye! Super scary!!

So we spent that night in downtown hotsprings! They have a winery we visited and then we just shopped around all the shops. Everything was decorated for Christmas and I loved it!

One store had some wigs and we just couldnt resist!

The next morning we went to the "Buckstaff Bathouse" for our day at the spa....

Here is the place at night all lit up!

You are not allowed to take pictures there but I had to sneak one in...

They wrap you in a toga and you are completely naked underneath! The first thing they do is take you to a bathtub, they are all lined up but with little walls/curtains, covering each one. They tell you to drop the toga and get in...then they start to scrub your legs and arms and back! So immediately your stark naked getting scrubbed in a tub!!! AWKWARD!!! So after you sit in there for a while they put the toga back on you and bring you to the sitz bath. Its a little bath were your legs hang over. Kinda different but whatever. Then you get into this steam thing that is like an oven but your head sticks out. On Casper the fat ghost sits in it and comes out super skinny which is all I could think about when I was in it! haha. Then you lay on a table and get hot towels wrapped around you. After about ten minutes of that you go into a needle shower...which mine was like 500 degree water shooting out at me! That lasted all of five seconds before I said No More! Then you go and get a 20 minute massage! My massage lady was super nice but was a little too into my butt! She kept going back to massaging it and would not leave it alone!! So all in all it was an experience I wont forget! And all for only $55!!!!!!!

After that we just shopped some more and then hung out at the condo playing games and watching Fa La La La Lifetime! My favorite!! We didnt get any more pics of that night unfortunately! The next morning we headed back home around 10.

Adios Condo!!

We stopped at Cracker Barrel for Breakfast which was the first time I have ever eaten there! Sooo yummy! Definitely going back!
I had such a good weekend with some amazing girls and I cant wait to do something like this again!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.....

2009-12-01T10:00:00.006-06:00

Over the weekend I took Mason to see Santa Claus at the Willow Bend Mall! I looooove Christmas time! I am a Christmas Movie Fanatic and will make a point to watch E.V.E.R.Y single Christmas movie on Tv! The Santas they have at the malls on Tv all have those fake beards and thats fully what I expected to see! Instead I got this.....

I was so pleased with this Santa! He was super nice and great with Mason! Mason was so excited to see him until it was his turn to sit on the jolly fellows lap! Then he got really nervous and started rubbing his eyes pretending he was tired and sticking his hand in his mouth. He has NEVER done this before! I found it so cute that he was so nervous! The theme at this mall is Polar Express and at the end Mason got his very own ticket to the Polar Express! He loves this ticket and it "choo choo"s everywhere with him! Here are a few pics of us while we were waiting for Santa...

Cheeeeese!

Mason isnt looking at the camera in this picture because there was sooo much to see inside this little globe we were in!
It started "snowing" when we were in the globe and for the rest of the day im sure i looked like i had dandruff! And one last picture....

Isnt he cute?!?!?!?

Well right now as im typing this my good friend Melanie is in labor! She went in this morning at 7:30am to get induced! Her due date was Turkey day so she is definitely ready! Looking forward to see pictures of Jacoby!!

2009-11-29T14:34:00.005-06:00

Friday some good friends of mine came over for dinner and then we ended up spending the rest of the evening in Downtown Plano. I wish i lived in a small town where the street of downtown Plano was actually the main street of the town! I just love that small town feeling!! Anyways here are a few pics from the night!

They are the sweetest couple!

I decided to cut my own bangs and this is what they turned out like...not too sure how i feel about them yet!

Such cute lovebirds!

I am going to have another Thanksgiving Dinner tonight with my Community Group and I am so full just thinking about it!!! I have definitely gained some weight this weekend! Time to get back to working out!!!

Meltdown What?

2009-11-27T09:35:00.002-06:00

So I only had one official meltdown yesterday! And it happened to be at the dinner table while we were all eating! I was looking around and seeing everyone happy and eating...everyone except Mason. And then the tears came a rolling! And i tried really hard to stop it but there was no use! But I must say that I did WAY better than I did at Christmas last year! Last year I had a meltdown probably every 30 minutes, sometimes less. If anyone mentioned Masons name I broke down! This Thanksgiving I just had to keep reminding myself that Christmas he is allll mine! That helped me to remember this when I teared up a few other times. All in all Thanksgiving was an amazing day with some Amazing food! I just wish my special little guy was with us!

I debated if I wanted to go to Old Navy at 3am or not and then decided I dont Need anything that bad! In fact I dont need anything at all! So i will go around 10ish and if they have the coat in my size left then its meant to be! If not then oh well, I stil have 4 other coats! After that I am heading to Uptown to have lunch with a friend and do some shopping at stores that are way out of my price range! Tonight is going to be awesome too! My good friend Emily is in town from Austin with her fiance Kreig and we are going to have dinner at my place then head to downtown for the night! Keep your eyes out for some pictures coming up~

Happy Turkey Day!

2009-11-26T09:31:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! My brother and sister in law and their kiddos are coming over to my parents house and we are having a big linner (lunch/dinner). Mason is with his daddy this holiday which totally sucks! I just have to keep reminding myself that I get him Christmas this year!! Last Christmas was my first Holiday with out him and I pretty much cried the whole day!! So I am stoked to have him for Christmas this year! You know considering I have sole custody it would be pretty darn nice to be able to have him EVERY Holiday! But alas thats not the way it works! So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for my family! My parents have taken me in so many times no matter how bad I messed up! They have ALWAYS been there to pick me back up and help me get back on the right track. I am so grateful to have such amazing parents! My brother....we use to hate eachother growing up! Now we are very close and I absolutely love him! If only he would stop pushing my buttons...haha! My sister in law....Shaun could not have married a better person! She is so awesome and I am very close with her as well! She really is more like a sister than "in-law"! She watches Mason during the week at her in home daycare and I could not possibly be more grateful for that!!! My two nephews are just absolutely adorable! Zack and Connor are too cute for words and always put a smile on my face. Now for Mason.....WOW! I dont have words for how much I am grateful for this little guy! I am tearing up just thinking about it! He is so precious and so amazing and so smart and so cute and so....perfect!!! I truly believe that he saved my life! I was heading back down a bad path that I had came out of just a few months prior when I found out I was pregnant. If it were not for him I really do think I would not be here today! I am sooooo blessed for the family I have! I honestly could not be more thankful! What are you thankful for???

I need help......

2009-11-25T09:24:00.004-06:00

Ok so if any one out there actually reads this blog I am about to admit something and need to be held accountable..........I need help! Help losing this gosh darn weight! After I had Mason I lost almost all of the weight and then ended up with depression and gained about 40 pounds in TWO months!!! So now Mason is alsmost 3 and I really havent done much to lose the weight! I started counting calories and instantly dropped 10 pounds. Me and a friend from work like to try and work out together on our lunch break. Lately we have been coming up with so many excuses why we cant so we need to really get focused again. As of today I have lost a total of 14 pounds. I have 31 more that I need to lose! I have been doing pretty decent with keeping active but i LOVE crap food! I mean seriously! So if any is out there reading this please keep me accountable!!! I need people to push me! Today after work I am meeting a friend to go bike riding around White Rock Lake! I looked it up and it is 9.33 miles. Im really looking forward to it!
So if anyone wants someone to bike ride with or attempt to run with let me know! I suck at running but I am working on it!

Your Fired!!

2009-11-23T10:11:00.005-06:00

Thank Goodness blogging every day isnt my job!! I would be fired for sure! So this weekend was such an amazing weekend! Friday night I went out with friends to the Neiman Marcus lighting in Downtown Dallas. It rained a little so it was not crowded AT ALL! We were not about to let a little rain ruin our night! We went to dinner at the Iron Cactus first and decided with a group our size we would just sit outside instead of waiting for a table. We didnt really think it would rain on us!!!

Notice that despite the umbrellas and jackets everyone is still smiling and having such a great time!!

Mary and I didnt have an umbrella with us so we decided putting napkins over our head was our best bet! I dont know how much that really helped though....

This is Stacie and Shauna. These lovely ladies are in my community group and they are actually my accountability partners also! I absolutely love them!

So despite all the rain that poured on us it was a very successful night! It made me realize how much I love downtown and I need to hop on the dart way more often and spend some time out there!

Saturday morning we participated in WestBless. We went to West Dallas bright and early and picked up trash and invited everyone that lived there to a big lunch cookout that one of the churches down there was throwing. I was surprised at just how nice and welcoming everyone was! West Dallas is the 10th poorest place in the NATION!!! Not just TEXAS but the NATION! It was a really awesome experience and I look forward to doing it again! I will post pictures later once I get them!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells!

2009-11-20T14:19:00.004-06:00

Tonight I am meeting with some girl friends and we are going down to see the Neiman Marcus Christmas lighting!! I am sooo excited because Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday! They will be showing off their new window displays and lights and then lighting a huge christmas tree! Santa will also be there, arriving in some surprise fashionable way! So excited!

Tomorrow morning I will be up and out in West Dallas around 8am! My community group is going down there to help clean up trash in the neighborhoods with our Church!! Its going to be an awesome weekend!

Bang It?

2009-11-19T13:54:00.001-06:00

So after watching the Biggest Loser I really loved Rebeccas new hair style! She ended up getting kicked off that night and then was on the Jay Leno show. I am soo in love with the way her hair looks on the show! In fact, I love it so much that I am thinking of doing it to my hair! I have had short hair PLENTY of times so Im not worried about that! Its the BANGS! They freak me out!! Being that I have wavy hair I would have to straighten them everyday which is no big deal but it just scares me for some reason! So take a look at the clip from Jay Leno and tell me if you think I should do it!!!!!!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/109645/the-jay-leno-show-biggest-loser-rebecca-meyer-part-2

Procrastinate much??

2009-11-17T17:23:00.003-06:00

I have 4 papers due in two weeks and I have yet to start even ONE! I have had months to do them but I really do work better when I am in a time crunch! So I was planning on spending the next two weekends working on them. But here is the thing. For one of the papers I have to go do a career placement test up at school, so I call today to make an appointment. Well they inform me that to complete it I have to do 3 separate hour long sessions with a counselor. The next time they have an opening for one of the sessions is Monday November 30th!! Well my paper is due that next day!!!!! Not going to happen! Luckily my teacher is super awesome so we will see if there is something else that I can do! Sheesh!!! Maybe next time I wont wait so long huh!

Wishful Wednesday, 3...2...1...ACTION

2009-11-17T12:43:00.004-06:00

'I wish' .... my life was a movie, and I would want it to be _ADVENTURE__ genre!
(and tell us why)
Would you want action, adventure, comedy, drama, romance, family, OR suspense??

I wish my life was full of adventure!! I love going on new adventures and experiencing new things and unfortunately right now I dont get too much of that! I do go on as many vacations as I possibly can given my situation! Life to me would be so boring without them! I had all these plans to travel the world and go here and go there and just do it all!! And then I got pregnant and had to put those dreams on hold. When Mason gets older I most defintely want to travel the world with him! How much fun would that be! Adventure is also a reason I want to move to Colorado! There is so much more stuff to do there than here in Texas! I want to white water raft or go skiing or hiking at the spur of a moment! I NEED adventure in my life!!! I am sooo not the kind of person who is content with a calm peaceful life! Where is the fun at!?!?!?!

Copy and paste the Wishful Wednesday logo and post it on your blog!! Link it to here so others can read it!!! If you want you can link it back to my blog also!!

Lunch Date!

2009-11-16T17:04:00.005-06:00

So I mentioned yesterday about having to cancel my lunch plans with my good friend Melanie on Friday, so we rescheduled for today. We dont see eachother as much now that she moved to Saginaw but she works in Plano, so we get together for lunch at least once a month. She is due ANY day now!!! Well if you want to get technical she is due on Turkey Day but my bet is he will come before then! I cant wait for Jacoby to make his debut!

Sure from the front view she looks pregnant right....

But check out the side view!!!

I am anxiously awaiting this little mans arrival!!! I cant wait to meet him and watch him grow up! Jackson will be such an awesome big brother!!! The next time I see you, Mel, you will be holding your precious baby boy!

Jammed pack, non-stop weekend!

2009-11-15T15:52:00.007-06:00

This weekend was a birthday filled weekend! On Friday my good friend Melanie turned 24!!! She is due with her little baby boy in less than two weeks! I had lunch plans with her but hand to cancel because I was stuck at home with a migraine! :( Then Saturday was my brothers Birthday! He turned 28! He's not a big fan of cake so instead Andrea made him the best cake he could have ever wanted!!!!
We started the evening off with Dinner at Kobes! This place is amazing and the cooks are sooo funny! They definitely keep the adults entertained just as much as the kids! They had Shaun put on this awesome birthday hat while they sang happy birthday! My nephew, Zack, was so excited to blow out Shauns candles!!!

Mason was trying so hard to use the chopsticks! He somewhat got the hang of it but he was so cute trying! Notice the tongue sticking out because he was concentrating so hard!

My little man is so amazing! I sure do love him
This has to be one of my favorite pictures of Mason and his cousin Zack! They love eachother so much and it is so adorable!
Here is Mason with both his cousins Zack and baby Connor! They all see eachother every day and I wouldnt have it any other way! They get along so great....for the most part!

Today is my friend Ambers Birthday! She is in Austin so I didnt get the chance to see her but Happy Birthday!! Im ending this great weekend with Church and Community group! Cant believe the weekend is already over! So sad!

Monster Trucks and Birthdays!

2009-11-14T19:51:00.005-06:00

I didn't post yesterday because I was stuck at home all day with a migraine and the last thing I wanted to do was look at small words on a computer!

So today has been a really busy day!!! I started off the morning running errands non stop since I couldn't do any of them yesterday. Then I went to see the Monster Trucks with Mason, My brother, nephew Zack, and my dad. This is the second time this year we hav

e all gone to the Monster Truck shows and the boys just absolutely love it!!! Me....not so much! But hey, whatever makes Mason happy right!!!! I was super upset because I forgot my camera so this was taken with my phone, not the best quality. Mason and Zack are the best of friends and really are more like brothers than cousins! Below is one of them goofing off and one of Me and Mason in front of one of the trucks...

I will post tomorrow about our dinner, today is my brother, Shaun, 28th Birthday! Happy Birthday Big Bro! And as much as it hurts me to say this....I love ya!

Time for Class...

2009-11-12T15:12:00.003-06:00

So I have been taking online courses for about a year now but this year I decided to physically take a class on campus. My first day was awesome! It has been YEARS since I have sat in a desk and I was l-o-v-i-n-g it!! My teacher is super cool and she doesnt care if you come to class or not as long as you take the tests. Well that was really not something she should have said! I have now missed more classes than I have gone to. Thursday mornings I wake up saying, Ok Kristen...you ARE going to class tonight but then by the time I get home I always find some reason or another as to why I cant make it. But here is the thing...Im most defintiely a visional learner and daydream way too much to listen to someone talk in a classroom. I find myself thinking about the most random things while shes talking! I try really hard to focus and listen to her but no matter what I try within ten minutes im once again thinking about something else! So going to class really doesnt do me any good! From now on unless Its a class that I absolutely have to physically go to, im only doing online courses! If only they offered Public Speaking online.....I am d-r-e-a-d-i-n-g this class! This is actually one of the many reasons I didnt go to college right out of highschool! Im a Horrible public speaker! I mean Horrible!!! I start to talk really really fast and mumble and ugh its just a wreck! But go figure, they dont offer this class online! Oh the torture!!

Wishful Wednesday - Chores (The Joys of Being Single)

2009-11-11T14:27:00.009-06:00

" I Wish" I never had to clean.......the bathtub!!!!

I'm not a big fan of cleaning to begin with but everything about a bathroom grosses me out! Most of all is the bathtub!!! I will literally gag at the thought of cleaning the bathtub!!! If I see even ONE hair (yes even my own) I will have to try my hardest not to throw up!! I cant move the bath mat in the tub without cringing!! I get that puckered up face with my nose all squinted! You know what face I'm talking about!!! Just thinking about it right now gives me the chills! Ugh I could most definitely go the rest of my life without ever cleaning a bathtub again!!!! What do you wish you never had to clean again......... Copy the Wishful Wednesday Image and re post it on your blog! You can go here and link your blog!

Nom Nom Nom

2009-11-10T17:12:00.002-06:00

So I found this recipe on another blog that I love and I just HAD to make it! Im not lying when I say this is the most amazing dessert I have ever put in my mouth!! It was absolutely amazing!!! Every person that tried it couldn't believe how good it was!!! Its not exactly anywhere close to being healthy but man is it good!!! I used almost TWO sticks of butter!! Can anyone recommend something healthier to use as a substitute because I will most definitely be making these again!!! So go make this and tell me what you think!!

Friends Friends Friends

2009-11-09T12:35:00.002-06:00

Wow...what a difference having real friends makes!!! Last year I had maybe one or two True friends...the rest were just friends that I would hang out with but werent really the best. Well since the negative ones have been removed from my life I honestly could not be happier! I finally have a good group of girl friends who I would do anything for and vice versa. About two months ago I started in a community group, Its like a bible study group but more. There are 8 other ladies in this group and these women are truly amazing!! I am soo blessed to have all the people that I have in my life. Yesterday I got some news and it just really hurts how its going to affect my sons relationship with his daddy. Dont get me wrong they will still be a huge part of eachothers life it just doesnt look like they will be seeing eachother quite as much anymore. It really hurts because Mason absolutely adores his daddy!!! Anyways these girls all reminded me that all I can control is myself! And I have a strong support system in place and Mason has soooo much love in his life! No matter what happens we will both be ok! Its times like these that really make me realize how truly blessed I am!!!

Not ok....

2009-11-08T13:47:00.004-06:00

Im not going to be home again until bedtime so I wont have time to write on here again but i wanted to post today so I didnt skip a day this month. I just got back from meeting with my accountability partners and was in a great mood. Then I got a phone call that lets just say is going to change things for Mason once again. My poor son has been through enough and gone through enough changes, this just breaks my heart.

Is it Christmas yet?

2009-11-07T11:19:00.004-06:00

So last night I went to the movies with my mom and saw A Christmas Carol in 3D! I am absolutely a Christmas girl and love everything about this time of year! If this movie would have been in theaters in the summer time I would have been there! This was a cute movie and the 3D was a nice effect! I am soooo ready for the cooler weather and the holiday spirit that everyone gets! Now if someone could explain to me why in November its in the upper 70s that would be great! I need to be living somewhere with snow!!! I want snow!!! I want to make snowmen and snow angels and have a snow ball fight and go sledding! One day I tell ya!!! But first I need to find me a man to shovel that snow and scrape the ice off my car! I want all the benefits of the snow without any of the negatives! If only....

Eli Young Band

2009-11-06T09:04:00.005-06:00

So this morning I was listening to the Eli Young Band in my car. They are my all time favorite band. They are from Denton and I remember seeing them play in a small bar there before they made it big and I fell in love! I can listen to every single one of their songs on replay over and over and over. There are four songs that really stick out to me though.

The first one is Small Town Kid. This song can put me in the best mood! I just love the beat to this song and no matter how crappy I feel if I put this song on I instantly smile!

The second in So Close Now. This song fits me perfectly! If you know me at all then you know that Texas is not where I belong! This song is all about getting ready to move and how the town that I know isn't good for me. Every time I start the ball rolling in my plan to move something comes up and keeps me here. Right now its my son. I know if I move us away I wont be able to give him all that I can give him here. But in the next year or two I plan on having that all change and Finally making the move out of Texas!

The third song is When It Rains. This song is about how when your sad its good to see that the world is sad and crying too. Its just an awesome song that I absolutely love!!!

The final song is Enough is Enough. This song sums up my life a few years ago. Its about being in a relationship where you just cant count on that person at all. There is a line in this song about how the hardest part in leaving was not knowing what I would become. And how only sleepless nights and God have shown how strong I can be on my own. This is so true for my case! I have learned more about me and who I am and how strong I am in the last year than I ever have before!

So thats my post for today! Go listen to their songs because they really are amazing!!!

~Howdy~

2009-11-05T13:37:00.000-06:00

Well I have debated for a while now if I wanted to make a blog or not and I finally decided to just go for it! So here I am!! My sister (in-law = same thing) has a blog @ Roseytoesies.blogspot.com and I am constantly checking it and reminding her to post so lets see if I can do any better! She mentions that the month of November is known as National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) and you are suppose to blog e.v.e.r.y single day this month. So I may be a few days late in starting this but im doing it! I have a lot to learn about how to make this blog page look way better than it does so please bare with me!!! Im excited to jump into this head first and see if anyone will actually follow it! Oh and can someone tell me how I do it where if you scroll over a certain word like "here" and if you click it then it will take you to another link? Thanks!!!
Well, it looks like I will be back tomorrow to do some more bloggin!