This is all just a bad dream......right?

So it has been over a year since I last posted on this Blog and obviously a lot has changed and needs to be updated. This past week and half has been one of the hardest ever and I am hoping that writing about it will help me cope.

So for those who dont know, My Ex Husband, Mike, who is Mason's daddy was in a car accident on 7/7/11 on his way to work that morning. He died on the scene and they were able to revive him. He spent the next few days in the hospital and it was full of ups and downs, and a glimmer of hope, and then no hope at all. At the time of the accident he went too long without oxygen and his brain would never be able to recover from that. On the afternoon of 7/11/11 Mike went to Heaven. I will go into more detail about those days in another post, not quite ready to re-live those days. He actually had a talk with his roommate just a few days before the accident saying that he wanted to donate his organs. So they brought Mike down to the operating room and took him off the machines. You have to pass in 60 minutes on your own in order to remain elligble to donate or they bring you back up with your family so they can sit with you until you pass. Mike passed in 8 minutes. It was a relief to know that he passed so quickly and the Doctors reassured us that he was in no pain at all. A 42 year old and a 62 year old in the Dallas area received his kidneys! We hope to one day meet them so Mason can see who his daddy saved!

This has been a million times harder on me than I ever expected. We divorced 3 years ago and while we were not in love with eachother anymore, and we definitely had our arguments, he was the father of my son! And I did love him at one point in my life and even married the guy! It breaks my heart into pieces knowing that Mason will never see his daddy again. My earliest memory is from when I was 5.....Mason is only 4. I am so scared that when he gets older he wont remember even one memory with his daddy. And having to listen to Mason cry asking why his daddy had to die....its the hardest thing to listen to! Mason gets what is going on but he does not fully comprehend what Forever is, which is kind of a good thing right now. Its going to be a long road ahead of us thats for sure!

Over the past week I have grown closer to Mikes family than I ever have before. I could not imagine having to bury your own son! Or having to bury a brother that you grew up so close with! The World is just not fair sometimes!!! I know Mason will be ok though because he still has so much family that loves and adores him and so many friends of Mikes that want to continue to stay in Masons life. It was actually suppose to be Mikes weekend with Mason this weekend and thats when things started to really sink in. Mike will never get to spend another weekend with his son and vice versa. The past two days I have just started bawling out of nowhere...I mean literally, Nowhere! I have so many different emotions going on right now, I am a total wreck! The only thing getting me through this right now is knowing that we have so much love and support from family and friends. We are truly blessed in that area.

So anyways, I will be updating regularly on here about anything and everything, and hopefully it will help me get some peace with what is going on....