Friday, September 23, 2011

Should I or Shouldn't I?

So several people have mentioned to me that I should Read "Heaven is for Real." For those of you have not heard of this book, it is the true story of a boys trip to Heaven and back. I would love to read this book, really I would. But I am a little hesitant on if I should or not. See, I am still pretty emotional about Mike's death. And in the Hospital on the day of Mike's accident Beth and I were talking about how we wanted to ask Mike what it was like being dead and then coming back. Mike died on scene at the accident but they brought him back to life and we could not wait to hear his stories. Did he see a light? Did all of his childhood memories flash before him? Did he see loved ones that had passed? Was there a big pearly gate? All we had to do was wait for him to wake up so we could ask him.....only problem is.....he never woke up. So I don't know if I want to read this book because I wanted to hear about Heaven from Mike.....but obviously that is not going to happen.

So here is my question...Should I read the book or Shouldn't I?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sad Realization

So any one who knows me, even if for only a few minutes, knows that I am not a fan of Texas. I have wanted to move out of here since we moved here about 18 years ago. Every time I start the planning process something comes up. The top two contenders for me are California and Colorado. California is my number 1 choice, however I have no family there and it is SO expensive I think if I moved there that I would be setting myself up for failure. So Colorado it is. I have a few family members, my company has an office there, and the price is just about the same as it is here.

So you might say that it is Selfish of me to want to move Mason and myself away from Texas and everyone here.....And you would be right. Everything that I do is for my son. I wouldn't change it for the world but at the same time it is MY life too! I want to enjoy life and really feel like I am living out my dream. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I am just existing here....not truly living. I want to do more things outdoors and in this great state of TX there isn't much to do. And during the summer time unless you want to have a heat stroke you need to stay indoors. I want to sit there one weekend bored and say "hey lets go hiking" and an hour later be at the mountains. So the planning begins. I found some really nice apartments with beautiful views and in my price range. I did the research on the elementary schools in the area too to make sure Mason would be starting Kindergarten somewhere good. My plan was to move next summer. With Mike dying so quickly it made me realize that I need to stop wasting my time and start living out my dreams.

Then I went with Mason to a little family BBQ at Mikes family's house over Labor Day weekend. We had an absolute blast and I love seeing how adored Mason is by everyone. But then Beth said something to me that night that made me realize I have to put my plans on hold. (I was waiting to tell them about the move until it was for sure because I was really scared of how it would hurt them.) Beth said that every time the phone rings she gets scared that something else has happened. And she then said several times "I cant handle anything else happening right now." And that is when it just kind of hit me. I need this move for myself. But Mikes family needs Mason to help them cope with the loss of Mike. I didn't lose my son....they did. And I think it will be too soon after losing their son to then lose their grandson. They wouldn't completely lose their grandson because no matter where I live they will always play a huge role in Masons life. But physically spending time with Mason would be cut drastically. I know it will also be hard on Mason but he is still too young to grasp everything and he adapts so easily to every situation thrown his way.

So the decision has been made. My plans have been put on hold for a few more years. I WILL eventually move out of TX but for right now I think it is for the best that we stay put.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Labor Day Weekend

Last weekend was Labor Day weekend and it was much needed!! So much has been going on in the past two months and it was nice to have a weekend of fun. On Friday Uncle Primo came over and played with Mason for a little bit. He is like a big kid with Mason and Mason gets excited every time he sees him.
Then Mason had soccer practice later that night. It was his second practice and Mason loves his team. He definitely has some problems focusing on the game and not the grass or a bird in the sky. And he tends to spend most of the practice hanging on the goal posts but I was able to get an action shot of him actually playing.! He is number 11 since his dads birthday was on the 11th and he thinks that is so cool! Go Stingrays!!

Saturday Mason and I met up with Aunt Wendy in Dallas and had lunch but I didn't get any pictures of that unfortunately. We went swimming afterwards and since I didn't have a floaty for Mason he refused to get in! Luckily a bee flew by and we told him the only way to be safe from the bees was to get in the water so he quickly jumped into my arms! :) Mikes cousin and aunt came in town over the weekend so they took Mason to a water park on Sunday with Beth. Then we all went over to Mark and Beth's house for dinner. It was really nice to just relax over there and see how much everyone loves Mason. Mason truly is one lucky kid!

On a side note, today is exactly ten years from the attack on 9/11, and it is two months since Mike died. Every channel seems to have a special on and it is really hard to see all this talk about death. Definitely an emotional day.