Thursday, October 13, 2011

Piece of Mind

So first off I am so happy! I posted the other day about suggestions for how to get the answers to the questions I have. Well I looked into this Medium here and I emailed her for her prices....she wrote back saying she charges $275 for an hour session. I was so disappointed bc while I would like some answers I am not willing to spend that kind of money for them. At least not yet. So last night I was having a bit of a melt down. I was extremely emotional and just couldn't stop crying. I feel so bipolar lately and I hate it! Anyways, So I was laying in bed praying. I pray every night before going to sleep but this time I prayed for answers. I prayed for some kind of sign that Mike is still with Mason and watching over him. I know this sounds horrible but I wasn't expecting any signs from praying. I mean heck, I have been praying for a good man to come in my life for years and am still waiting....haha. So that was that and I fell asleep and slept the whole night for the first time in MONTHS! Its like I had this weight lifted off my shoulders and could finally rest.

In the morning I forget about everything and hurry Mason to get dressed so we can go to work/school. And then on the way to Masons school I got my answer. Out of nowhere I hear these words out of Masons mouth....."Mommy, I saw daddy last night in my dream." Mason and I have never talked about dreams before and he has no idea what I have been going through because I don't talk about these things with a four year old and I can always manage to hold off on my meltdowns until Mason is asleep. I immediately started crying but I had to be careful because I didn't want Mason to know. I asked him what they talked about and he said that he told daddy that he really misses him and wishes he could come back down. But in true Mason fashion, he changed the subject in that same breath. I have learned with him that if I interrogate him he is more likely to make up something just so he has something to say. So I will patiently wait for him to bring it up again. But now I know that Mike is still with Mason and it absolutely warms my heart.

Now I can focus my attention on teaching Mason how to hold Lily without choking her :)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Suggestions Please

So I posted the other week about if I should read Heaven is For Real or not. Well, I read it. While overall I think it was a good book, it was a bit of a let down for me. Maybe I am just jaded but it is was hard for me to believe everything that was in the book. And I really do not need the book to tell me that Heaven is for real, I already know that.

What I want to know is if Mike could hear me at the Hospital. I had a whole lot to say to him and I want to know if he heard what I had to say. He was not brain dead but he was not responsive and had such little brain activity he couldn't do anything, not even open his eyes. So when I was asking him to protect Mason from up above did he hear me? Is he doing it right now? Was he having an out of body experience? Could he see all of us in the private family room at the hospital crying? I want answers.....and I don't know if I will ever get them. So here comes my question.....does anyone know of a book that can help answer these questions? I am kind of desperate for answers...

On a side note, has anyone seen the new show Long Island Medium? If not, it is about this lady in Long Island, NY who is a medium and can talk to loved ones who have passed and the things she says is absolutely amazing if its for real. It makes me want to see if there is a reputable Medium here who can "talk" to Mike. I have never really believed in these kinds of things but like I said....I am desperate for answers.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Just Breathe

So much has been going on the past few weeks and I have been meaning to update this blog but I haven't really had much of a chance! It's nice to have a second to just breathe and relax and those times are hard to come across now.

In the past four weekends I have gone to 3 Festivals, 2 Bridal showers, 1 baby shower, and a kids birthday party. I was suppose to go to a second baby shower but I had to cancel because I was so exhausted and run down I couldn't get out of bed! And on top of that Mason has a soccer game every Saturday that I refuse to miss! I have also had my parents over for dinner one night, Mikes parents over for dinner another night, and I have a friend coming over for dinner tonight. I love hosting people here but it definitely takes some work! What happened to those weekends of being so bored and desperate to find something to do? I miss those weekends! With how busy I am you would think that I have hundreds of friends! But alas, this single mama does not.

I have also decided to add some things to my busy life. First would be Lily, our new kitten! She is super cute but oh so scared! She hides for most of the day and night! Mason just adores her and all he wants to do is hold her. But when little one sees this big kid running towards her with excitement she freaks and runs under my dresser and climbs up into the drawers! haha. Mason really wanted to call her Twinkle Toes but I knew that would be a decision he regretted when he got older so her name is officially Lily Florence!

And for the most recent update to my life.......I am buying a HOUSE!!!! I can not be more excited about this! My lease is not up until February so I have not quite started the search yet but I have already given my Realtor my needs/wish list and gotten approved for the loan so I am ready to go! And my Realtor is a good family friend and has worked with my parents and my brother so I know she will help me out! I am also going to have her show me every step she takes so I can get some experience under my belt for when I get my Real Estate License!

I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past few months. There have been some REALLY bad times and some REALLY good times! It has been a roller coaster of emotions to say the least. I am still trying to adjust to not having Mason's father here anymore and I have gotten a lot better but some days I just completely lose it. I just never know what will set me off. But at the end of the day I am alive and healthy, Mason is alive and healthy, my family is alive and healthy, and I have the most amazing people surrounding me and my son. No matter what I have gone through I am really a lucky lady to have what I do! I wish everyone had the friends and family that I do, without them I would be so lost.