Eight months…that is how long it has now been since Mike died. I can’t believe it has already been that long. In some ways it feels longer and in some ways it feels like it just happened. For the most part my emotions are under control now but randomly something will come up and I will just lose it. When I was putting together Mason’s room I ran across some old photos in a binder that were of Mike and I before Mason was ever born. I felt bad for my dad because he called me seconds after I saw those pictures and I couldn’t even talk I was so upset. I was a stuttering mumbling mess. That little 21 year old girl in that photo had NO idea what was in store for her!
Mason has been doing a whole lot better too lately. He has started getting all greens at school and even ditched his mean friends and is now friends with the “good” kids. I have been told that he will go back into his bad slump again though because that is just part of the process. Since his daddy died he went from being horrible, to really good, to horrible, and now really good again. I guess it is just part of him coping. Lately he has started to talk a whole lot more about Mike though and it definitely catches some people off guard. Especially when I have friends over they don’t know how to respond when Mason brings up Mike. I think it is a good thing to talk about him though and be very open.
Last week he was having a rough day with being sick with the flu and he was supposed to be taking a nap so I went to check in on him. On one wall in his room is a collage of his daddy and then the star certificate for the star I had named after Mike is framed on that wall too. Well, when I walked in during his nap time he was sitting on his bed staring at a photo with tears in his eyes. Mason had gotten a photo down that was a Christmas card we sent out for Masons first Christmas. Mike and I were still together then and one photo was of us holding him and the other was of Mason screaming his head off in Santa’s lap. Mason looked up at me and just cried. He said that he wished he was still little so that he could still see his daddy. BROKE…MY…HEART! I absolutely hate that there is nothing I can do to fix what happened. I am trying to keep his schedule somewhat busy to help take his mind off of things and im hoping it works. He is in play therapy once a week and he has his first tee ball practice tonight so hopefully all goes well! I know soccer was fun for him but hoping tee ball will be even better!!
P.S. - I promise I will upload before and after photos of my house at some point!
February in AZ
2 days ago