So the past few weeks things have been getting better with Mason and I. There have been a lot less break downs and Mason has been getting Green paper at school every day. But the last few days have been really emotional. It seems to come and go in waves. Wednesday night Mason was laying in bed talking to Mike. He was crying saying "Daddy, please come back down from Heaven, I dont want you up there" :( It was absolutely heartbreaking. There is not a thing that I can do to stop those tears. I cant tell him that everything is going to be just fine because truth be told I dont know if it ever will. He lost his father. Someone who meant so much to him and someone he loved so much. I am a Huge Daddy's girl and Mason wont ever get the chance to be a daddy's boy. Little boys need their fathers. Im definitely not as fun as Mike was with Mason. I have a lot more rules and am a lot stricter than Mike was. But Mike didnt have to be the strict one. He saw Mason every other weekend so he was able to be the Fun Dad and Mason misses that so much.
Then on Saturday I got another sympathy card in the mail. Dont get me wrong I appreciate these cards and it means a lot to know that people are out there praying for us. But I had not gotten one in a few weeks. So seeing that in the mail brought all those emotions back up. Nothing is suppose to happen in my life or my sons life that warrants getting a sympathy card. This was not suppose to happen to us. More importantly this was not suppose to happen to my little boy. He has done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the loss of his father.
One day when Mason has his own kids he is going to play catch with his son and it is suppose to bring back the memories of him playing catch with his dad. Now those memories will never be. I cant stand that. The thought of him in elementary school and kids asking him what his dad does and him having to say that his dad is in heaven is such a horrible thought.
I never in a million years thought something like this could happen to us. All of this has really made me take a good look at my life and how I am living it. Dont ever take life for Granted. Live out your dreams and Live every day like it is your last because tomorrow is not guaranteed.
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The journey is indeed a roller coaster. And none of us thought we would be in this boat but I will tell you this...the lessons you will learn/are learning about yourself and life and as a mother will be light years ahead of a lot of people. Hold on to that cuz it's a silver lining that is priceless. Hang in there mama
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